As communication is a part of our day-to-day life, so is conflict.

We all are unique individuals with a unique perspective of seeing the world, and so are our thoughts and things. So, if there are two persons in a room and they don’t have contradictory/conflicting thoughts, that simply means something is fishy!

Either one is trying to please the other by suppressing his/her own thoughts/things or the one could be in disapproval, but not confronting that... there could be hundreds of things but one thing is for sure, so what is that?

Conflict happens so often that at times we aren’t even conscious of it.

We get to know about a conflict when it gets big! Or there is a compilation of small conflicts that come together and create trouble for us.

So how to approach these Conflicts healthily, let’s discuss the CEASE approach:

C: Calm down and communicate

Clashing in points of view is okay, the problem comes when things get into unhealthy arguments... fights... where one just aims to prove oneself right.

We can control the situation before it gets so far!

How can we control it?

Simple by being calm and if possible, calming the next person would be a great thing to do. If the next person is not calming down then at least you need to be calm.

If you are calm and composed then you are the one who is in control of the situation.

The best thing you can do to keep yourself calm in such a situation is by conscious breathing. Make sure that you take long breaths, monitor how it is going inside your lungs, and then come out of it.

Become an observer, try to visualize your situation from the third person’s perspective. See how things are happening, and how you are reacting!

These things will help you to ground yourself.

Communication, it’s not a one-way thing, it should be from both sides.

You need to communicate your things, what you want, what you feel... but also let the next person communicate.

Here you must be more of a listener than a speaker, as you are trying to resolve the conflict.

E: Empathise and Encourage others to speak

Empathy is a higher-level human trait and you must have it. Validate what the next person is saying, empathize, and try to understand others’ concerns, and fears...

We at times are right at our place and others are right at their place, so in such a situation, we need to understand others, validate them, and then share our point of view.

Don’t let others suppress their thoughts and things, encourage them to speak.

For that, you need to create a non-judgemental safe environment where one can speak without any fear.

A: Acknowledge & Act

You are empathizing with them, validating their things... this would not be enough you also need to verbally say or show them through actions that yes you acknowledge their things, you are considering them and acting on them. You need to make them feel heard. 

S: Summarise and Sagaciously discuss

Summarising is very important! Even if the discussion was not complete because of any reason, do summarize what was discussed.

Discuss things sagaciously, if you followed the first step then you would be calm and composed which always gives you an extra edge and no doubt control of the situation as well.

Now it’s the time to end the discussion, here you heard all that the next person had, you empathized, you validated, you acknowledged... In the process, you collected good points, now discuss them sagaciously.

With summarising also conclude and you know, you need to make some decisions which improve the situation. So, discuss your decisions with the next person.

If the next person is not okay with the decision you proposed, then you can look for some middle ground/way in the situation where the next person is also satisfied and you are as well.

The advantage of “middle ground” is that people feel like their things were not completely discarded, they were considered as they feel happy about it.

E: Execute & Express

All this would work only when you execute. So, after the discussion, start executing!

Let’s talk about expressing, it’s my favorite topic and I would recommend you to visit www.expressuneasiness.com

You did a great job, you validated the next person, you acknowledged... But what if the next person doesn’t know all this?

This is what happens with a lot of people, they don’t express themselves much. So, start expressing yourself consciously.

Especially in a conversation/discussion, you should use statements like according to the context:

• Yes, you are right.
• I understand your point.
• I can relate to you...

You express yourself and also help others express themselves.

So, this was the CEASE approach, by following this you can easily convert a conflict into a healthy discussion, so all the very best.

Thank the person who shared it with you, and return the favor by sharing it with someone you think would benefit from it

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