At various points in our lives, we all questioned the rules imposed on us, especially in moments of anger, frustration, or disappointment...
In my childhood, I too used to ask why, why so, why only me...
When I entered my college life, things got a little better but these questions continued to haunt me, even though I was following my passion, Psychology. According to me, I fit in every sense though there were loads of restrictions on me, still, there are some!
Just a few days ago I was discussing something futuristic regarding Psychology with my senior and certain restrictions greeted me again...
I wasn’t happy at all, again the kid in me asked, “WHY‽”
This life is like a game, there are some rules and restrictions, some are mandatory some are easy to overrule.
The point is to win any game you must know the rules first or you will get restricted now and then and feel frustration and develop anger towards the game, the developer, or towards yourself that you are not able to play a stupid game...
But the kid in us doesn’t understand restrictions, that kid just wants freedom. Freedom to do anything and everything but as an “adult-self” we need to guide our “kid-self” that certain things work in a particular way only.
Why do certain things work in that way only and are they always right?
Well, not every rule, norm, or costume could be 100% right, with change in time these things should be flexible and allow changes, and improvements.
We all at least for once should engage in learning about the thinking, beliefs, and concerns behind the restrictions we are facing.
If you don’t like those things, you can challenge them, raise your voice against them, and increase your capability so that one day you may end up changing, improving, or completely eradicating them.
If I had told the same thing to my younger self, he could have acknowledged it but would have asked me in return, “What shall I do in the meantime, suffer?”
I had suffered loads of restrictions, and also in my journey, I became an exception to a load of restrictions.
Once I was interested in participating in the conduction of departmental activities like seminars, webinars, and workshops in my Psychology department but I was restricted, I was in my bachelor’s so they told me that they only take the students from the Master's Program.
(A rule because it is believed that students in bachelors are naive and lack experience)
Meanwhile, certain things happened, I worked with another department of my college and gained experience and exposure from it, the rule was the same but what happened was that I reached out to another department with a proposal that they got interested in, gave me homework, I did that and that's how I became a part of Online Interactive Session “Let’s Talk, Period!” 28 May
Then once in my department, I proposed that PTSD Awareness Day is coming and we shall do a webinar on it, again a proposal from my side, and with that, I became a part of it and then I was warmly welcomed to contribute to my Psychology department, now they call me “techno-boy” as I manage the technical things and facilitating them in the smooth conduction of events.
"The rule remains the same, but the exceptions stay unaffected."
I created opportunities for myself, became an exception and now I enjoy the luxuries.
If they are restricting you then think about what you could do, could you become an exception. I am still in my bachelor’s, final year, and according to their rules they don’t take students with bachelors but still, they consider me because I’m an exception. I brought something to the table which made them think and the rest is history.
There would always be restrictions, always!
Accepting this for me was also hard as the kid in me asked “Why...”
Try to see things as they are this is a very basic thing but most of us fail to do it.
Whenever we are restricted our “emotional-self” gets active so try to be rational and for a time detach yourself from your situation and learn how is it so...
We all ask “Why” but give it a go on asking “HOW”
then you shall think about what and how you could do things differently.
If you are driven by the “emotional-self” then you will find yourself complaining, becoming angry, frustrated, or disappointed.
Respect your “emotional-self” as it gives you the knowledge that something is not right, and you should employ the “rational-self” to do something about it.
Look, restrictions would be there but they could not be for all as one size doesn’t always fit all, we all are unique and have individual differences so see what you can do.
The Seeker asks, “What do u think is right for me (For a girl!)?”
A satisfactory answer to this question could be given by you, yourself.
No one else can do it for you since you know who you are and where you came from; therefore, only you can evaluate and decide what is appropriate for you based on your experiences and learnings.
There is nothing 100% right or 100% wrong, it’s a mix.
Things could turn right or wrong depending on the situation they are in.
Till now this was for all, now let’s talk specifically…
In our society females are subjected to loads of restrictions, some restrictions could be to avoid offending the other gender whereas there are indeed many restrictions that are purely out of concern and safety.
I can understand the impact of these restrictions on your emotional and kid-self, but would also request the adult and the rational-self to intervene and take care.
Nurture yourself as a kid, be a parent to yourself, and then wonder about the restrictions you face.
For sure you would be biased in the starting but when you continue and experience yourself in different forms like kid-self and adult-self, emotional-self, and rational-self... believe me things will improve and you would be the one to bring improvement.
Lastly, I will say that in the journey of life, restrictions are inevitable, but their impact can be transformed into opportunities.
